Faking It To Making It

I have, for a very long time, struggled with myself as an artist. Frustration, heartache, and headaches have long since been the name of the game. When I look at my art I am appalled, aghast, and shocked that I could create something so uninspired. Worst of all, I see myself as nothing more than an amateur, as the great fake, the big lie, the great pretender. More of my work than I care to mention has been tossed to the trash, erased, or put away only to be revisited to remind myself of the failure that I see in my creations.

It is a terrible trait. A trait that haunts me and effects my life on a daily basis.

I am a ticking time bomb...

This trait hasn't always been a part of me, however. As a child I drew for hours almost everyday creating anything and everything that I could envision. As a teenager I talked incessantly about my desire to be a Disney animator. And then as an adult, everything came crashing down at the hands of several ignorant people that I chose to believe instead of believing in myself.

I am the salt on your cracker...

Following these isolated incidents, Jennifer, my muse, has for the past 8 years attempted to right the ship. She has pushed me at every turn, encouraging me to break out of my funk, and literally has fought all of my demons with me.

I am the leftovers on your plate...

And somewhere, somehow, thanks to her, I started to realize that I was no longer faking it, but rather making it. Making it not in terms of success, but rather in terms of getting things done and believing in myself. And while I still have my moments, I have come to realize that being different is what made me and made us special. We have, together, dared to be weird. Dared to dream. And dared anyone in our lives to do the same.

beep, boop, bop!

Tony Bot